The World Will Know

I’ve just spent the better part of an hour looking at a couple incredible blogs with incredible stories of working moms (http://www.workingmomsbreak.com/  and  http://www.workingmomsagainstguilt.com). I’ve thought a lot about the story I would share about my experience with mommy guilt and almost decided not to, because others are obviously writing more eloquently than I, but I think I will anyway.

This journey into theatre has not been without its many bumps and bruises and complete meltdowns on my end (think “Julie and Julia” throwing a duck on the floor and laying next to the cabinet sobbing kind of meltdowns). For one thing, there is this nagging voice in every artist’s head that wants to know who you think you are. Why would you ever believe that you are good enough to engage in all that is creativity? And whether that comes from your upbringing that tells you to be humble or from the people in your master’s classes scoffing at you because you just asked why a Disney musical can’t be art. And then, just when you think you really and truly do not care at all, not a lick, about what other people think (which, by the way, is nonsense. Artists eat or starve based on what other people think), you have a child.

And it all starts over.

Never mind, momma, that you carried that child for nine months while working 8-10 hour days and weeping over what you thought would be lost dreams. Never mind that you labored for 24 hours and the epidural wore off and it took two hours of pushing with no pain meds to get that beautiful life out of you. Never mind that your child’s every need is fulfilled. No no no. You work full time in theatre and, without a doubt, your kid is going to be messed up on so many levels.

Did you know that there is a study out now that says that kids are more likely to be obese if the mom works outside the home? Also, they won’t be good readers. Also, they probably won’t think that you love them as much (just kidding, I made that up. But don’t lie, you’ve thought it too).

Now on top of it all, you have to worry that your kid is going to be labelled as “that weird theatre kid.” That,  god forbid, he might not like dirt or sports or muscle cars.

I know that I’ve talked a big talk before about learning empathy, and that being so important, but of course I still worry about him.

And I’m not really looking for moms to jump on board with me and say “you’re doing great! What a great mom you are!” Because I know that I’m doing the absolute best I can for my family. But I thought I would put the word out there and hope that just one working mom out there reads this and knows that she is not alone. We’re all in your corner, girl. You bear children, feed them, clothe them, bathe them, read to them, and tuck them in. And once they’re asleep, you write a rehearsal schedule, memorize lines, email potential sponsors, find replacements for the three people that dropped out of the cast, and write an agenda for the board meeting. You are a super hero. And, one day, the world will know!

“And the world will know, and the world will learn. And the world will wonder how we made the tables turn. And the world will see that we had to choose. That the things we do today will be tomorrow’s news. ” -Newsies