I decided to take the day off from major labor, which as moms and/or artists we all know just means telling ourselves that we’re not working when we are. I’m currently obsessed with Psych, and it’s been on since 7 AM this morning (barring a one hour Sesame Street break).
I’m notorious for obsessing over television shows and/or actors. Full on, binge watching, imdbing (is that a verb? It is now), quoting crazy fan girl. Smallville, Supernatural, and now Psych.
The sad part about me watching television is that I cannot be a casual watcher. So even when I’m watching for leisure, I am analyzing the performances. And so I finally realized that there was more than a funny man behind James Roday, who plays Shawn Spencer on the show. There is a certain level of finesse in his comedy that had to be taught alongside what I ‘m sure are great instincts. I did some stalker-like digging, and found that he studied at New York University’s Experimental Theatre wing. He’s also a co-artistic director for his own theatre company, Red Dog Squadron.
The point of all of that is that I forget so often that I need these days. I’ve been feeling so mired down in the technical pieces of running a theatre company (I’ve got to make this deposit; My entire pit orchestra just quit; We only have $50 in our bank account) that I am forgetting how to be an artist. I’ve also been feeling kind of… I don’t know if judged is the right word, but it’s close. What I do isn’t appreciated by many, but I have to remind myself that it is watched by everyone (unless you don’t own a television). So I’ve actively been trying to suppress being artist because I’m afraid of being labeled “weird” by others.
I think the reason I get so stalker-y about people I admire is because I’m desperate to know that there are people out in the world who are like me- who care deeply about the same things I care about.
I need to take more time to watch good actors in action. I need to take more time to remind myself that what we do and who we are is worthwhile. It rejuvenates me. I’m ready for tomorrow.